In this spot for a Bayer Advanced gardening product, we see a woman in a Home Depot-esque store asking for something to help her garden, and the salesman says he has just the thing: Gary. Well, Gary ends up being a guy who gets not only sold into slavery by Bayer and the store in a clear case of conspiracy to commit human trafficking, he then gets dumped into a shopping basket, has his arm smashed by the woman’s car’s hatch back lid, gets bashed all around inside the car, and then gets tossed onto the pavement at the woman’s house, just like so much refuse. Well, after that, apparently he’s had enough, and he uses his black magic powers to turn himself into some Bayer Advanced garden product. Oh, but after such horrible mistreatment, which is I believe actually a crime against humanity, wouldn’t Gary want to kill this lady’s garden? And the ad doesn’t show us the effect of this product, so that must be what happens (!). (Serves her right for engaging in human trafficking!)
Oh, and at the end of the commercial, the slogan is: “Bayer Advanced: Your Passion Is Our Passion”. Really, Bayer? You do know that practically everyone can see this ad, right? And that means that you are not only condoning, but also embracing, every twisted, dark passion in even the most heinous of people. Some people like other people to go to the bathroom on them: are you guys into that? (I guess that’s kind of close to fertilizer, so it’s kind of close to garden food, I suppose.) And how about necrophilia? Are you into that at Bayer? Because if you’re not, some necrophile could sue you for false advertising. Because after all, you did say: “Your passion is our passion.” And you didn’t specify what the hell that’s supposed to mean, so you must just be into every passion imaginable, right? And if you say no, then you are admitting to wanton false advertising. (Oh, don’t even try to tell me you didn’t consider criminal perversions when you said that. We all know what you’re into! Weirdos!)
Here’s the slavery-supporting spot:
(Just kidding! This is kind of a cute ad, but it does look rather like Gary is being sold into servitude, doesn’t it?)
