All week, I have heard every news station and every commentator say that the Justice Department investigations into news agencies are having “a chilling effect” on confidential sources and journalists alike, threatening our free press. Well, many people claim this is unconstitutional, being a direct violation of the First Amendment. But surely there’s a way for the Justice Department to have a chilling effect upon journalism without violating the Constitution, like maybe by serving journalists some cold drinks. Which gives me an idea for a joke ad for Coors Light!
So here’s how this (joke) Coors Light commercial might work:
The Justice Department calls reporters in for a press conference, and the Attorney General tells them that he’s alarmed by the overzealous prosecution of these investigations, and he’s sorry if there has been a sense of there being a culture of intimidation. So to make it up to them, the Justice Department serves the reporters Coors Light, and that CGI frozen “Silver Bullet” train comes racing into the station at the Justice Dept., making it snow and making everyone start dancing and grab frosty cans of Coors Light. And as the reporters are all happily drinking their Coors Light beer, the Attorney General says: “Here’s a chilling effect on journalism I’m sure you won’t mind!” And then the announcer says that when you want to cause a chilling effect on journalism, you should hit them with the Silver Bullet: Coors Light!
