This holiday TV special is a lot like the other animated/puppet-toon children’s Christmas specials, only it highlights the impending dangers of the War on Christmas, showing us what will definitely happen if Republicans don’t win the yuletide brawl once and for all. So here’s how it goes:
Some liberal governor says everybody has to say “Happy Holidays” this year instead of “Merry Christmas”. Well, this screws up the equilibrium in holiday cheer, so Frosty the Snowman comes to try to save the Christmas greeting. Oh, but once Frosty shows up, he is immediately ambushed by the ACLU with a snow blower: It was a trap all along! And with Frosty destroyed, Santa Claus arrives to save the day and bring Frosty back, just like in Frosty’s Christmas special.
Oh, but when Santa arrives, he is arrested by Eric Holder, who claims Santa is exclusionary and bigoted against non-Christians, and that giving free stuff to children is the job of big government, so Santa gets sent to Supermax prison on trumped up charges of terrorism, claiming he was caught trying to sneak down the CIA’s chimney with a “suspicious package”. (Actually, strike that: Santa gets sent to Gitmo, while all the terrorists are sent to the continental U.S. and let loose on an unsuspecting public (because that’s what they wished for for Christmas, and Santa granted their wishes due to his treatment, and all because Democrats so hate Christmas).
Well, when Santa Claus is absent on Christmas, to try not to disappoint the children, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer tries to deliver the presents with the other reindeer by themselves; but sadly, a bunch of Democrats secretly dressed-up as gun-nut hunters pretend to mistake Santa’s reindeer for regular deer, shoot them, and eat them as venison for Christmas dinner, allowing the Obama administration to use this as an excuse to ban guns permanently! And with the last vestiges of authentic Christmas characters gone, the liberal Democrats, headed by President Obama, appoint a Santa Stalin, who looks like Karl Marx in a Santa Suit, and he always gives the same present to every child in the name of equality, regardless of whether they have been bad or good.
Oh, but this causes the children who had been good to rebel against the unfairness of it all, imposed by an unfeeling bureaucratic big government, so they all become terrorists and carry out suicide attacks on toy stores throughout the land, causing the final clampdown on Christmas, banning it once and for all! And Democrats in Congress make King Diamond’s “No Presents for Christmas” the new mandatory official “winter holiday” song. And seeing all this stuff from heaven, Jesus decides not to bother with his second coming, and nobody ever gets saved or raptured, and all because you didn’t vote for Mitt Romney!
Oh, and with Santa away from the North Pole, Russia invades and starts drilling for oil, starting a new World War over drilling rights, destroying the Earth in the process, and all because the ever escalating War on Christmas waged by the liberal media wouldn’t let store greeters say “Merry Christmas”! (There: Happy now? Liberal intolerance of Christmas destroys the world and kills everyone, triggering the Mayan Apocalypse on Dec 21, just before Christmas! Oh, the humanity! Well, don’t say they didn’t try to warn you!) The End.
(I hope everybody realizes this is only a joke. But it would be an appropriate expression of the Fox News War on Christmas hysteria marketed to kids so they could panic about it too.)
