Federal Express has their ad with the fairy tale woodland creatures, so why not have UPS claim the magical creatures demographic with a Harry Potter-style world of UPS services? They could have a phoenix and an owl delivering packages, a wizard creating business reports, and a magical quill pen designing business cards. Then, the announcer could say: “With UPS, your business and shipping needs are taken care of as if by magic!” And as a tag, the slogan could be: “We speak Parcel-Tongue!” (Parseltongue is the snake language from the Harry Potter universe.
Of course, FedEx and the US Post Office could claim that UPS is in league with the Death Eaters, since Parseltongue is the Slytherin snake language. But Harry Potter also speaks Parseltongue, so it’s not all evil. And besides, if they said that, then UPS could have Lord Voldemort send them a death curse (sent via UPS, of course).
