A few weeks ago, I saw Bruce Lee’s Enter the Dragon again on TV. I think I may even have written about it then. But this reminded me of something, and that’s the nunchaku (better known to most Americans as nunchucks). Well, when I was in high school, I bought some nunchucks and learned how to use them. I injured myself pretty extensively doing this, but I eventually mastered the entertainment version of the art of nunchucks: that is to say, I could swing them all around my body and look cool (or at least I thought so at the time) like Bruce Lee did in Enter the Dragon, but I couldn’t actually use them for anything else.
It’s not that I didn’t try. It’s just that whenever I tried to hit something with them, they’d bounce off of it and hit me in the head. And I got those Warner Bros. cartoon bumps on my head. Oh, but I have a hard head, despite being a medium-sized guy, as demonstrated whenever some jock in high school would head-butt me to look tough and then they’d knock themselves out and fall down, only to say to me as I revived them afterwards: “Wow, you have a hard head!” (This happened a number of times to me in middle school and high school.)
But not everyone has a hard head. And this is why I think nunchucks are now against the law to even possess in many states. I understand, but I still think it’s silly that I can have a gun, a knife, a sword, etc., but I can’t have nunckucks. (Apparently I can stab or shoot anyone I want, but I’m not allowed to hurt myself while attempting to hit someone else with nunchucks.) Because I hardly ever kill people with nunchucks besides maybe myself. And that’s the thing: with my hard head, I can survive nunchucks, but I guess not everyone else can. But I seriously doubt they’re illegal because people kill other people with them. I think it’s because people kill themselves with them. (Anyway, they were legal when I bought them years ago.)
But no matter the reason, they made me a criminal, and it’s not my fault! Because I know I have some nunchucks somewhere (I think), but I have no idea where they are anymore. And most of the time I forget I even have them, or that they’re against the law. But I’m sure that doesn’t matter! I am a murderous fiend, hiding murderous weapons for future use (once I get off the couch and get in shape, that is) according to them. And were I to take them to the police station (assuming I could even find them), I would probably be arrested for possessing them. But if I just threw them in the trash, some kid might find them and kill themselves with them, and then I’d be to blame. So there’s really no winning once the government decides to make stuff like two sticks and a string illegal. Or, at least, that’s how it seems to me.
So anyway, I probably still have some nunchucks somewhere, or at least I think so. And I guess that’s bad or something. And that’s my story of how They Made Me A Criminal!
