Apparently there is a current trend for young adults to buy synthetic derivative designer drugs masquerading as bath salts or plant food, etc. These chemical compounds are actually legal in most places, especially when they’re marketed for other purposes and have some sort of disclaimer printed on the label that says something like: “Hey man, like, whatever you do, don’t snort this stuff or you’ll get really high, dude!” Or maybe it’s more like: “Not intended for human consumption”, or: “Caution: use only as directed.” I can’t remember ever since I smoked a bunch of bath salts and plant food. So what was I saying? Oh yes, it seems that… Aaaaa! Help! Monsters are after me!
Oh, wow, that was intense, man! Oh, and that reminds me, one of these articles on the internet about the scourge of these designer drugs marketed as bath salts said that a lot of people have horrible paranoia and hallucinations, quoting a poison control doctor as saying: “The recurring theme is monsters, demons and aliens.” Now this may sound rather fantastic to many of you, but I know a little bit about this issue, and I can definitely tell you that the monsters, demons and aliens are actually all real. Don’t ask me how I know this; you’re just going to have to take my word for it on this one. They usually hide from us and stuff, but when they see some dumb-ass snorting bath salts, they like to jump out and scare them; they just can’t help themselves. I guess they just like messing with people like that when they’re high. And I have to admit, it does sound like a lot of fun for demons, monsters and aliens to play peek-a-boo with tweakers and freak them out.
I’ve always thought that there must be a reason why aliens usually land and abduct people from remote, rural locations, and it’s probably because the people from these places are most likely bored out of their minds for so much of their lives that that they’re a lot more liable to be getting high from huffing gas, paint, or roach spray, or even better for the aliens, snorting or smoking these bath salts and plant food chemicals; then they’re really easy to freak out and scare. So that way it’s much more fun for the aliens to abduct them; enough fun to make it worth the extra long trip out to ‘Nowheresville’ to pick them up. And that’s just the aliens! Imagine being a giant scary monster who has to spend its whole life hiding in some cramped closet! Boy, I’ll bet it’s a relief to see somebody snorting something that will make their testimony absolutely unreliable and get their story immediately dismissed by everyone so that the monster can finally get out and stretch its legs for a while; man, that must be nice, huh. It’s probably the only time that monsters are ever allowed to come out into the open and actually be seen by human eyes (I mean, unless it’s the kid they’re assigned to terrify, obviously.), so you know they’re going to grab that chance with both scaly claws (or whatever they have for hands) whenever they get it, since it probably doesn’t come along for them every day.
And demons? Well, of course they’re real. Why else would anybody ever do anything so stupid as to snort or smoke this horribly dangerous chemical crap sold on the internet unless they were being tempted into it by a demon? Everybody knows that, silly. I mean, it says right on the packages not to ingest them! So it must be demons or else it doesn’t make sense. Oh, and once they get you to take the drugs, they can relax and become visible, since they know you’re not going to believe in them after the effects wear off anyway. So they figure, what the hell; why not, right? So it’s not really that the drugs make you hallucinate: what you see is all real; it’s just the fact that it’s so unbelievable that it makes you doubt your own sanity, and the fact that nobody else will believe you that’s the problem. Well, that and the overdose issue; and if people would just follow the directions on the label correctly, that would never happen; because they wouldn’t take them like idiots!
Want to find out more about this? Here are some links to a couple of articles that will helpfully guide you in how to buy your own stuff online (just kidding!). Have fun!:
