I saw a debate today about whether or not President Obama should have made an official White House Easter announcement. The news channel was complaining that he should have, and that he’s ruining Christianity for everyone by not doing it. (See if you can guess which channel this was on.) I myself personally missed Easter this year, because I’m always waiting around for the president to tell me when all the religious holidays are. So thanks for nothing, Mr. Obama! By the time I find the eggs, now they’re all going to be rotten!
Anyway, Juan Williams was one half of this debate panel, and he said something about how this anger with the president for not doing an official White House Easter announcement was really some kind of code for the president being a Muslim. That’s what drives this kind of thing, he said, but the president is not a Muslim. I was really hoping, though, that Juan Williams would say something more like: “Hey, President Obama is not a Muslim! If he was, I’d know, because then he’d make me nervous when I see him on an airplane!”
(For those of you who don’t know, Juan Williams is the guy who got fired from NPR for saying that seeing people dressed in Muslim garb* on an airplane makes him nervous. I found that to be kind of funny at the time, because when I see someone dressed in Muslim garb at an airport or on an airplane, that’s how I can be pretty sure that they’re not a terrorist. You see, I don’t think there has ever been an airline-related act of terrorism carried out by someone wearing Muslim garb. It just draws too much attention to itself, I guess. But hey, maybe it will be the hot new trend in coming years. But I doubt it. You see, once the rest of us see Juan Williams getting nervous, we know to keep our eyes on the people in Muslim garb, and so they lose the element of surprise.)
* It strikes me that after that whole controversy, some snarky terrorist sympathizer could start up a new clothing line called “Muslim Garb Brand ® Clothing & Accessories”, and then funnel all of their profits to Al Qaida. They could design the hottest new terrorist fashions, like a double-grenade-padded-bra, belts made of plastique, 3-piece suits with bomb vests, etc. Their ad campaign could say: “Muslim Garb Brand Clothing: Makes the Infidel Fear You!” Or perhaps: “Muslim Garb: Terrorize the Infidel with Fashion!” Okay, maybe not. But how about this?: “Muslim Garb Explodes the Infidel Brian with a Look that’s To Die For!” Does that work? How about calling them: “The Fiercest Fashions that are Totally on Fire!”? No? Okay, then you come up with something better!
