We (the United States) are apparently part of the driving force behind the opposition protesters in Syria calling for the ouster of current (and been-there-for-a-long-time-guy) president Bashar al Assad. This was revealed in a leaked cable provided to the news by Wikileaks. The Obama administration expressed concern that this revelation may have consequences for the United States. Really?
This cable was written and sent long after is was made crystal clear that Wikileaks had access to all of our strategically important and classified diplomatic cables. Oh, and also that it was pretty safe to assume it would end up being broadcast to the world at large. Maybe they just forgot. I’ll just be nice and chalk it up to the fact that someone is ridiculously incompetent, rather than suggest this may have been intentional.
What is clear from this is that if we want our plans to remain secret, we’ll have to find some new, safer way to do things. Maybe if we just printed all of our secret plans in the newspaper straight from the secret plans guy’s desk every day, after a while everybody would get tired of reading it and we could have things be secret again. But I think we’ll have to develop a new, cutting edge technique for transmitting plans. My suggestion is this: let's have some guy call some other guy on the phone and tell him, rather than send him a text document. Surely they’ll never be prepared for that! And if that ends up in the news too, maybe we could have said ‘some guy’ fly over and tell the other guy in person. I mean, how could anybody find out then? But if they do, how about the next time, he flies over and whispers it right in the other guy’s ear? Surely they’ll never be expecting us to do that! That’s so last century!
I also have another idea. It may not be as good as the first ones, but here it is anyway: let’s deny the validity of the leaked cable. I know it’s cheating to create a fake diplomatic cable in Photoshop or MS Word, but we could still suggest that maybe someone has done just that. Hey, we wouldn’t be accusing anyone specific, so there wouldn’t be any hurt feelings (the worst crime imaginable these days, apparently). And anytime anyone claims fake offense at the accusation, we could say that maybe someone did it as a joke, and surely that would defuse all the ruffled feathers (Oh, sorry, did I mix my metaphors? Maybe I was referring to a robot bird with a fuse for the feather-ruffling function.). And at the very worst, we could lie about it. We might even flood Wikileaks with fake cables so that nobody would ever be able to tell what the real ones and the fake ones were, perhaps not even our own officials! Whatever works, man.
Hey, I’m just suggesting that we try something else. I mean, really, when you think about it, how could it end up being any worse than it is now? The worst that could happen is that they’d find out, and they already do anyway. So why not at least try something else?
