Has anyone watched any of that mini-series about the Kennedys? Well, it certainly is controversial. I especially like how all the most dramatic and important scenes are played between characters who are all long dead, and without anyone who could possibly have overheard what they said: that’s how you know it’s completely historically accurate. But given what we all know about them by now, it’s odd that anyone would even object to the show. But people have! That’s why it’s showing on Reelz and not the “History” channel, when the “History” channel was the one that commissioned it. Hell, with all the UFO and Bigfoot shows they’ve got on the “History” channel, I just sort of assumed that everyone realized the irony of that network’s name. So what’s the problem with smearing, I mean, um, exposing, the Kennedys like this? Well, at least we know that Reelz is all about sensationalism, so there’s no surprise with the content there. I’m actually surprised it’s not running on the E! network, with the Abscess Hollywood anchors hosting it. But if Katie Holmes gets to be Jackie Kennedy, how come Tom Cruise doesn’t get to be JFK? They could have shown JFK sliding around the White House in his socks and BVDs; it would have been awesome! This is the real reason I think this mini-series has been banned and rejected from so many channels: there are just a lot of disappointed Tom Cruise fans out there.
But can you believe these guys? Real men would have launched nukes during the Cuban Missile Crisis! The fact that we’re all still alive today proves they were pussies! And people actually still celebrate them? Whatever! Better dead than red, man! Okay, well, we’re not actually red yet; but Glenn Beck says it’s coming! Sure, he got fired, but that doesn’t mean he’s wrong, man! It’s amazing that there ever were bands like Megadeth and Carnivore, with their nuclear-holocaust-themed songs, since guys like JFK were always around to buzzkill everyone’s apocalypse. Dorks. But when you think about it, JFK averted mass annihilation while he was on pain meds like morphine. Stuff like that makes you want to do things like “push the button”! I wasn’t the biggest fan of JFK in the past, thinking that many of the problems he ‘valiantly met and overcame’ were caused in part by his naivety; but after finding out how much he was under the influence of powerful narcotics while he was doing this stuff, I have a newfound respect for this guy. I really might have said: “Push the button!” under the same circumstances. I’m glad he didn’t. But remember: it’s only because he’s a wimp that he didn’t!
