So I guess I have to conclude that Mitt Romney is the obvious front-runner for the Republican presidential hopefuls this time around. He’s getting all the big interviews and laurels thrown to him (figuratively) from the conservatives and those on Fox News. Oh, sorry; was I just redundant there? Anyway, I guess it’s either him or Donald Trump. You all know how I feel about this: I want a blustery braggart in office so that all the people around the world who hate America will finally be exonerated. Then they’ll bitch about us and stuff, and we can finally nuke them. (I’m kidding; Let’s nuke them first.)
Anyway, all I really need to know about Mitt Romney, I found out from my niece. Yes, it was during the last Republican presidential primary race, and I was watching the news over at my sister’s house. Well, my niece came in the room, so naturally I wanted to get her take on all of this. I told her who the candidates were, and she told me unequivocally that she was for: “Mitten Romney: because he’s a mitten.” (She was 5 years old.) In any case, I have since learned that this is as good as any way of deciding (if not better) on a candidate as anything else. I liked Obama last time. Now I don’t like him so much. So Mitten Romney is starting to look a lot better right about now, even though I don’t like him either. But he’s a mitten, and that’s enough for me.
But this initiated a real curiosity in me as to his name. Sure, I know it’s his middle name, but he goes by it, so there you are. Now, I figure it this way: my niece was right, he is a mitten, at least in a sense. His dad was the governor of Michigan, and Michigan is shaped like a mitten, so I figure he was named with that in mind. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. Hey, patriotism can extend to shapes, right? So his dad was really patriotic about Michigan. Don’t hold it against him. That was a long time ago, so it’s a little more understandable. But despite the fact that Mitt Romney’s dad wasn’t the governor of Michigan until about 20 years after Mitt was born, I think that he’s still named after the state’s shape. His father must have named his son “Mitt” to remind himself that his goal in life was to become the governor of Michigan. Then again, it could also be true that he’s named after an oven Mitt. Maybe his dad would have burned himself on a stove, but he got in the way. We just can’t be sure.
