I think there is a failed conspiracy behind the establishment of the marathon race. As we all know (or ought to know), the marathon is an endurance race of 26 miles, 385 yards, and commemorates the run of a messenger sent to tell the Athenians: “Nike!” (victory) after the victorious result of the Battle of Marathon. After delivering the result, the messenger died from exhaustion.
So, what’s the conspiracy? I believe that this race was designed by out-of-shape people with the hope of tricking athletic-types into running a race that would inevitably kill them in the end. This would get revenge for the out-of-shape people for all the wedgies and purple nurples they’d endured from jocks all of their lives, and it would do so through the use of intelligence, by designing an athletic competition intended to both peer-pressure everyone into finishing or else be a loser, insuring misery all around, and intended to bring death to those fit enough to finish. But in their hasty thirsting for revenge, they forgot one thing: there are a lot more joggers out there today than there used to be in Ancient Greece. And since everyone has already gotten so accustomed to the marathon race, it’s too late to try to change it now.
Yes, unfortunately for the race planners, they’ve done nothing but continue the tradition of jock dominance, and once someone wins a marathon, the rules say they get to give whoever they want unlimited wedgies. Oh well, it’s too bad for the race planners. After all, after successfully completing a marathon race, who else but the planners and organizers would the athletes choose to give wedgies to? But don’t blame me; I don’t make the rules!
