Isn’t it sad when a comedy blog is better at predicting global events than our own state department officials? I have previously said that if we got involved in the Libyan conflict, it would be the perfect opportunity for both sides to blame everything that went wrong or even happened on the United States, and that the rest of the world would hate us for it too? Well, that first part has already happened on both sides of the conflict. Naturally, Khadafi claims that we’re killing civilians, and there are reports that he’s even having his guys carry the bodies of people he’s killed over to air-strike locations so that it looks like our forces killed them. (That actually sounds like a college prank. After the war is over, years from now, when the guys who did this are caught and accused of doing it, they should just say that they were pledging a fraternity at Tripoli State University.) But a news story from yesterday quotes the rebel leader as not only condemning NATO for not fighting the war for them enough, but accuses NATO of a horrible crime the equivalent of genocide if we don’t hurry up and win their war for them. (By the way, when you see NATO, read: The United States, like the rest of the world does.) So naturally NATO is allowing themselves the be peer-pressured into dropping more bombs that will undoubtedly kill more civilians accidentally and give us another black eye, but whatever.
The correct response to that accusation, of course, is: “Up yours, jerk! We were willing to help before, but we’re not miracle workers, and we’re kinda sensitive about being accused of genocide on top of being bullied into doing everyone else’s killing for them because they’re not competent enough to do it themselves. We didn’t start this conflict, and it’s not our responsibility to fight it for you. And while we said we wanted to help save civilian lives, that doesn’t translate into us being responsible for preserving every single one of their lives regardless of what happens on the ground. Nobody could possibly do that, you ungrateful douche-bag! Maybe you should have thought of that before you started shouting “Down with Khadafi” and shooting your AK-47s into the air, dumbass.”
Maybe we should just “accidentally” drop a bomb on this rebel guy who is accusing us of being responsible for the deaths of all the people in their war that they started. We could just say that it’s a jerk-seeking missile or something, and that we were aiming it at Khadafi, but when that asshole said what he did about blaming us for genocide, it must have just redirected to him, and there was nothing we could do about it, and let that be a lesson for everyone in the future to keep their pie-holes shut when they want to fling grave, unfounded accusations of murder around at us. But we won’t, because apparently, we like helping people who obviously hate us, and it only takes a little bit of pointed and unfair criticism to peer-pressure us into fighting their wars for them. Hey, if it works so easily this time, maybe after we win their war for them and they decide they want to hit us with a big terrorist attack, they can just say some mean things about us, and we’ll just drop our own bombs on ourselves for them in response, just to show that we’re really not so bad after all. And surely they’ll like us then, right?
The correct response to that accusation, of course, is: “Up yours, jerk! We were willing to help before, but we’re not miracle workers, and we’re kinda sensitive about being accused of genocide on top of being bullied into doing everyone else’s killing for them because they’re not competent enough to do it themselves. We didn’t start this conflict, and it’s not our responsibility to fight it for you. And while we said we wanted to help save civilian lives, that doesn’t translate into us being responsible for preserving every single one of their lives regardless of what happens on the ground. Nobody could possibly do that, you ungrateful douche-bag! Maybe you should have thought of that before you started shouting “Down with Khadafi” and shooting your AK-47s into the air, dumbass.”
Maybe we should just “accidentally” drop a bomb on this rebel guy who is accusing us of being responsible for the deaths of all the people in their war that they started. We could just say that it’s a jerk-seeking missile or something, and that we were aiming it at Khadafi, but when that asshole said what he did about blaming us for genocide, it must have just redirected to him, and there was nothing we could do about it, and let that be a lesson for everyone in the future to keep their pie-holes shut when they want to fling grave, unfounded accusations of murder around at us. But we won’t, because apparently, we like helping people who obviously hate us, and it only takes a little bit of pointed and unfair criticism to peer-pressure us into fighting their wars for them. Hey, if it works so easily this time, maybe after we win their war for them and they decide they want to hit us with a big terrorist attack, they can just say some mean things about us, and we’ll just drop our own bombs on ourselves for them in response, just to show that we’re really not so bad after all. And surely they’ll like us then, right?
Want to read the article of the rebel guy accusing us of genocide for not winning their war for them already? It’s at:
