It’s almost that time of year again! What time of year, you ask? It’s panderin’ time! This is the time where our presidential hopefuls start trotting out in their sexy swimwear and hope to lure us with their wares. And what does this usually mean? Well the most important thing about election campaigns is that we get to see maps with states and districts all colored either blue or red (or purple, if they’re confused or non-committal).
Yes, that’s right! It’s the time of year where we get to start choosing what colors our states are going to be when they get put up on the big election maps on the news! This is even better than decorating a Christmas tree, because the “War on Christmas” makes it impossible to enjoy that anymore. Even in your own home or with your whole family gathering around in festive holiday garb, you’ll still know somewhere in the back of your mind that some lawsuit somewhere will have Michelle Malkin grimacing and spitting venom about this on TV somewhere, being egged on mercilessly by some Sean Hannity type. And then they’ll have some atheist guy arguing the separation of church and state with someone who says she hopes he enjoys spending eternity in hell, etc. It used to be fun, but now it’s just becoming predictable and boring. And doesn’t that ruin it for everyone? So I say: “Let’s all gather around the lovely election map and sing songs of good cheer and corruption and voter fraud and stuff!” (Sorry, this is a relatively new holiday, so we haven’t quite worked the kinks out of what exactly to include in the songs yet. But we’ll figure it out, don’t worry.)
Right. So we all know what this all means: red for Republicans and blue for Democrats. But does this seem right to all of you? Something just doesn’t feel quite right here to me. Are they trying to use reverse psychology or something? And do they have some sort of ‘gentleman’s agreement’ about this here? I mean, come on; think about it: Aren’t Democrats to the left of center? And what do you get when you go to the extreme left? It’s communism, right? And what color is associated with communism? It’s red, isn’t it? (As in: “Better dead than red!”) Sure it is! So, wouldn’t it make much more sense for the Democrats to be the red color?
And what about the Republicans? Aren’t they all rich and well-connected and stuff? And what term usually denotes such a thing? It’s “blue-blood”, right? And aren’t they usually depicted and understood to be less caring, less emotional, and less in touch with their feelings? And what’s that thought to be? Cold (or cool: but not Fonzie cool; temperature cool), right? And what color is known to be associated with cold/cool? It’s blue, right? (As in blue is a cool color vs. a warm color.) So, doesn’t it seem more appropriate to have the Republicans represented with the color blue? Hey, I’m not saying they have to do it, but wouldn’t it just feel more accurate if they switched colors? Or are they trying to make us forget the stereotypes with a color-coded switcheroo? I’m just curious.
