There’s this silly ad that’s been running seemingly forever on Universal Sports. I usually keep the mute button on, so I often miss what an ad’s about. This one was particularly hard to understand, since it doesn’t make any sense, unless you read between the lines (or God forbid, keep the sound on!).
So this ad starts with what looks like an octagon-shaped professional wrestling cage match stage, and it’s full of spotlights and dry ice smoke. So there’s that idea. Then, they have all these crazy-looking Cirque du Soleil-types in historical-y makeup and costumes, but really looking more like pro-wrestlers, and they try to act all dangerous and intimidating like pro-wrestlers. Okay, so there’s the idea that they’re all scary and stuff, and as it goes on, it seems like it couldn’t possibly be anything but an ad for a Cirque du Soleil-themed pro-wrestling league. But then, just when you think you’ll see the cities and dates, and how awesome, awesome, AWESOME it will be, they show the cage open up and a few tweens walk into it through the dry ice fog. And guess what happens? All the huge, muscular, historically-dressed bad-ass wrestlers act all scared of the kids! Unbelievable!
So, what does this ad say to you? Well, for me, there is only one interpretation possible for what we’ve just seen. What’s that, you may ask? Well, apparently these traveling meatheads have been paying attention to what’s been happening to anyone who tries to discipline American children lately. Obviously, they don’t want to have to go to prison in a foreign land dressed like that, so they’re afraid to do anything that might get them into trouble! Really, why else would a bunch of freaky muscle-heads be scared of a few little brats? What else could it mean?
The actual intent of the ad is far more prosaic, however. It’s I guess some sort of ad to encourage kids to take some college-level courses early so that when they get to college, they can spend more of their time drinking and engaging in pre-marital sex and stuff. As if they need any encouragement in that department.
Here’s the ad (watch it without sound and see if you agree!):
