I just saw a news headline about taxes that says: “Tax deductions the IRS won’t ever allow.” You mean I can’t deduct the cocaine I need to keep screwing over investors? I could hear a Wall Street guy asking that one: but just as a joke, since they have all the best loopholes imaginable. How about deducting the expenses of hiring an illegal-immigrant drug-smuggler as a hit-man? Can I do that? No? Then I guess I’ll have to do it myself. Shit! How about deducting the expenses of the lawyers I hire to get out of paying my taxes: can I do that? Yes, as a corporation, but not as an individual? Damn it! They never let me do anything fun! I guess it’s because they’re all nerds at the IRS who assume that everyone else’s life is more fun than theirs. More fun than being dicks to people about taxes? I think they seriously over-rate life. If they were being jerks to the right people, think of how satisfying it would be to everyone! But I guess that’s cheating, so don’t hold your breath.
