Every time I try to heat up any kind of soup with carrots in it in the microwave, the carrots explode! I only know about this because my smoke alarm goes off anytime I try to cook something on my stovetop. But it’s a good thing it does, too! Now I can warn everybody about the pernicious nature of carrots! They are seriously out to get us! When terrorists find out about this, they’re going to join forces with the carrots, and we’ll all be in danger when we find ourselves together with them in conjunction with microwave fields. And don’t cell phones emit microwaves? I’ve heard that explosives can be detonated remotely with cell phones, so it must be carrots they’ve been talking about. So if you see any shift-eyed America-haters with a bunch of carrots, run!
