Here’s yet another commercial trying to cash in on the Mayan Apocalypse that’s definitely going to happen this year without fail. (No, really!) It’s a cute idea, and the animation is pretty fun, looking as it does like colored pencil drawings animated to put together the Mayan long count calendar with the action of an expensive watch (like a Rolex, I suppose). But unfortunately, it’s marred by a very serious problem: It says definitively that the so-called Mayan Apocalypse (the end of the “long count” calendar, which does not specify any type of apocalypse in actuality, but rather is something conspiracy theorists enjoy speculating about how it must mean the end of the world, and then proceed to pontificate upon the manner in which said apocalypse will occur) will be due to pole shift: something theorized by a very few, but not mentioned by the Mayans at all, as far as I’m aware. (From what I understand, a researcher in the 1800s, Charles Etienne Brasseur de Bourbourg, theorized about pole shift from some stuff he loosely translated from the Codex Chimalpopoca, an Aztec codex, not a Mayan codex. That’s like saying a Roman belief was also an ancient Greek belief just because they shared a lot of other mythological traditions: It ain’t necessarily so! Plus, I believe the pole shift theory was extrapolated from the cataclysm of water, and not specified as pole shift in the codex. And besides, everybody knows the world will end this year when it collides with the hidden Planet X/Nibiru. Duh! {Pole shift theory is for losers, man!*})
So it’s basically like quoting a famous dead person or civilization as saying something that’s absolute manufactured poppycock (but fusing it with something they’re well-known for to make it seem more plausible), and then using that completely fabricated attribution to cash in. (It’s kind of like saying King Arthur began the quest for the Holy Grail because it was the only cup worthy of holding such a great wine as {whatever brand of wine they’re advertising}, and he was tired of drinking it out of the bottle; only that idea is more acceptable because the Holy Grail stuff is pretty much a legend, and the Holy Grail has been satirized a bunch already; plus it’s pretty silly and fun, and so obviously false to the point that it is not even specious.) And that right there is pretty cynical and reprehensible: putting the words of (a small segment of) the tin-foil hat crowd into the mouths of the Mayans (although the Mayans did engage in human sacrifices, so maybe they deserve it for that). Except that this ad is, I suppose, intended as a lighthearted joke. It’s just that it doesn’t really come across as a joke on the doomsday hysteria crowd so much as it appears to ridicule the Maya, a civilization that managed to create the most accurate calendar system the world has ever known, back when they had no modern technological aids whatsoever (which is pretty amazing, as well as being fodder for ancient astronaut theorists). And that false attribution makes TD Ameritrade look kinda dumb, which probably explains why this ad has so many thumbs down on YouTube (more than for most ads I’ve seen), and why the comments have been disabled for this video. (But then again, it could be because pole shift is but one of many theories about how the world will end in the Mayan Apocalypse: Just watch The “History” Channel to find out what the others are! Or else maybe it’s because everyone actually believes in the Mayan Apocalypse; and I hope that’s not the case, because that’s the kind of thing that causes so-called self-fulfilling prophecies!)
Well, for all the self-aggrandizement claimed by this investment group, I’d be willing to bet the Mayan calendar is way more accurate and reliable than TD Ameritrade’s investment strategies. And I’ll bet they realize this and are jealous, and that’s why they’re trying to belittle the ancient Mayans. Oh, but too bad for them, because little do they know, but most high-powered investors are in reality secretly time-traveling Mayan spirits hiding in American business professional disguises! And once they see this commercial, they’ll be insulted, and they’ll all switch their investments over to Goldman Sachs! (And that is what will cause a real Mayan Apocalypse for TD Ameritrade! So there!)
I really think it would have been better for them to say that many people are theorizing that the end of the Mayan calendar portends the end of the world, and then list off a few of the possibilities we keep hearing kooky alarmists ranting and raving about; then they could say the part about: “But say the sun rises on December 22nd, and you still need to retire?” That would have taken this end times hysteria, made light of it, ridiculed crackpots, and advertised their wares, and all without making the Mayans mad at us. And everyone knows they’ve evolved into pan-dimensional extraterrestrials who will blast the Earth to kingdom come once they see this ad! And so this commercial is what will really trigger the Mayan Apocalypse, by insulting them! Oh, the irony! Oh, the humanity! Well, now we all know: the world will end on December 21st of this year, and it will be all TD Ameritrade’s fault for ridiculing the now omnipotent Maya! So just to try to prevent this, we should all remove all of our money from TD Ameritrade investments: for only this, if the Mayans notice it, can save the Earth from absolute destruction! Just ask that guy with the weird hair from Ancient Aliens: he’ll tell you I’m right!
Here’s the apocalyptic ad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=912MYBn7_oQ
* I'm just kidding. All the cool people believe in pole shift theory! Don't you want to be cool?
* I'm just kidding. All the cool people believe in pole shift theory! Don't you want to be cool?
