We’ve heard quite a bit about “broadening the base” lately.
This term refers to expanding the number of taxpayers, generally with the
implied idea that more people would get (hopefully well-paying) jobs, and as
such more people would be paying into the system, and as a result America could
balance the budget, pay off the national debt, and possibly invest in some hot
cars or maybe even some Star Wars action
figures still in the original boxes (as an investment for Social Security). But
couldn’t we do this already anyway?
Look, all we would have to do as a nation is pretend that
there are lots of people working great jobs, and just print up the money
they’re supposedly paying in taxes. We already print up lots of money out of
thin air whenever we need it, right? (Well, not literally, but you get the
picture.) So why not just create the taxpayers the same way? In fact, if the
government wanted to fix our revenue problem, why don’t they simply use the
personal information and Social Security information they already have, and
just assign everyone an imaginary job that pays really super well, and then
just print up the “tax” money we’re all supposedly paying in taxes? Then they
could just let us all have a permanent vacation, while our fictitious alter
egos earn top dollar! And the government could just send us the extra money
we’re supposedly “earning” to spend and revitalize the economy, and it could
use the “tax” money to pay for government programs. And if any foreign country
asks why Americans are never at the office, we could just say that technology
enables us to do our work from anywhere these days through wireless computers.
In a crisis like the one we’re in, sometimes in order to
solve it you have to “think outside the box”. Frankly, with as corrupt as our
government officials can be, I’m surprised nobody has thought of it sooner.
They figured out how to make money appear out of thin air (by printing it
whenever they need it); now all they have to do is figure out an explanation for
why it appears. And if we simply pretend
in a nationwide scam that we’re all gainfully employed and productive, we can
just create a thriving economy with the power of positive thinking (and a
little bit of massive fraud).
And don’t worry, when other countries ask where all of our
products are, we can simply tell them we’re a service economy. Or else we could
tell them it’s all cutting-edge computer technology, and we can’t talk about
it, because it’s classified. Also, we could say that everyone in America has
been cloned, and that the clones are doing all the work underground somewhere
while the originals are all relaxing. See how easy this stuff is when you just
think about it?
