There has been a lot of talk lately about cheating in cycling, and as a result, the cycling governing body has revamped its doping screening program, making it harder for cheaters to get away with it. This new push has netted an unlikely suspect: the Pro Form Tour de France exercise bike. Yes, apparently doping is so prevalent in competitive cycling, even cycling race-branded exercise bikes are using steroids and blood boosters.
The exercise bike was not only caught with steroids hidden in its seat, it also allegedly sneaks out of wherever it lives and buys illegal, banned substances when not in use. It has been further alleged that this exercise bike secretly injects its riders with steroids into their buttocks while they’re sitting on it. This gives a further black eye to competitive cycling, a sport where cheating is so predominant, even inanimate objects with only a tenuous branding connection to the Tour de France for marketing purposes are deeply dependent upon performance enhancing drugs.
Were it not for the fact that apparently almost all competitive cyclists use such drugs, and hence riding bicycles puts people at a much higher risk for such drug use, these stationary exercise bikes would probably be banned as well. But the fact is, even an exercise bike that is doping is safer to associate with than a real live cyclist, and a safer activity than real cycling. But authorities recommend that if you are intending to get an exercise bike for your home, don’t get one with a computerized voice, because then it will peer-pressure you into using performance enhancing drugs.
(This is just a joke. The exercise bikes are innocent!)
