There’s nothing sexier than someone who’s always got nasal
congestion, post-nasal drip, depression, heroin withdrawal symptoms, etc.
Everybody knows that! And that’s why it’s so amazing that nobody has until now
made the “Sexy Snuffleupagus” Halloween costume! Wow, who wouldn’t love to “get
it on” with a big hairy moping beast with an elephant trunk? And the best thing
is: nobody but you can see him/her! People will actually think you’re masturbating
when you get frisky with your partner in the “Sexy Snuffleupagus” costume! But
who cares? (They’re just jealous anyway.) Finally you can tell a Sesame Street
character to “open sesame” for your most perverted desires!
Oh, but buzzkill Sesame Street has threatened to sue, just
because we stole their character without permission and made it all sexual and
stuff. Well, just for that, we’re going to introduce our
guaranteed-to-get-them-into-trouble-with-parents novelty costume, the male
stripper “Snuffleupagus Strap-On” dildo! That’s right: it’s a phallic
representation of a Mr. Snuffleupagus trunk you wear over your crotch to give
you that elephantine (or elephantitus) look to your male appendage! (Talk about
“male enhancement”!) But because it’s a strap-on, you don’t have to be male to
wear one! Whoo-hoo! (Gee, I hope they don’t sue over this too!)
(Now, naturally, this is just a silly inappropriate joke.
But it was inspired by a real news story about Sesame Street suing some costume
company over their “Sexy Big Bird” costume. Sexy Big Bird? I can’t think of
anything that’s less sexy than Big Bird!
I hope they flipped them the sexy bird over that one. Gee, do they have “Sexy
Oscar the Grouch”, for the trashy sex maniac in you? Or how about “Sexy Elmo”, for
all the kiddie porn fans out there? Yuck! {The wearer must make the Elmo voice
while seducing people in the “Sexy Elmo” costume.} Oh, but how about the “Sexy
Count”? Women could wear the “Sexy Count” costume, and while having sex with
their boyfriends/husbands, they could count out the seconds until they finished
and threaten to tell everyone how quick their partners were. {And when relaying
the embarrassingly short time publicly, they could laugh like the Count:
“Twelve: twelve seconds! Ah, ha ha!”} Or how about a “Sexy Cookie Monster”,
which for copyright reason would be called the “Nookie Monster”?)
Here’s the big bird flipping story:
