Most everybody knows Alka Seltzer’s advertising mascot is called “Speedy”. I guess that’s because he speeds relief to you, or some such thing. But isn’t this name misleading? A guy called “Speedy” should be the mascot for something like Adderall. That’s made of speed, right? I mean, the least they could do is have “Speedy” be the mascot of some dangerous diet pill. But for Alka Seltzer? Puh-leaze! He just sounds like a meth head: I mean, “Speedy”? Come on! And would you take health advice from a meth head? Of course you wouldn’t.
No, Alka Seltzer is a well known product name now, and for people to readily associate a mascot with this brand, clearly the mascot should be called “Alkie”. “Alkie” is a readily recognizable derivative from Alka, so it’s perfect. And the fact that “Alkie” is a slang term for an alcoholic is also perfect! Because what is Alka Seltzer normally used for? It’s hangovers and overindulgence, isn’t it? So then a mascot called “Alkie” would be ideal! (Plus, it would serve to explain why Alka Seltzer makes all those bubbles: because cartoon characters who are drunk always have bubbles emanating from their head. Remember?) He could act all hung-over, take Alka Seltzer, and feel all better. And that would serve as a demonstration, rather than just an unsubstantiated claim.
Here is a current television ad with Speedy:
And here’s an old one:
