Thursday, November 28, 2013

Black Friday Game Show?

We all know how desperate people are for deals these days, and we’ve all seen the chaos and pandemonium that results when deal-desperate shoppers battle it out for the super savings on Black Friday. In fact, we can’t even avoid seeing it on the news it’s so popular. So why not make a reality-style game show about this? You know people would love it!

Yes, rather than camping out for days to join the crush of other shoppers locked in a death struggle over hot deals throughout a crowded store, leading to unseen injuries and mayhem, contestants could instead camp out for days to join a combat-style competition for the items they want two shoppers at a time! They’ll wait in a long line for days, with many different lines, one line for each specific item people want to most, and when they get to the head of the line, contestants are let in two at a time, and dressed in American Gladiators protective gear and using padded weapons, they battle it out for who wins the item, like, say, an X-Box or a 60-inch HDTV. Just think of the win-at-any-cost mentality meeting the bloodlust of crass covetous consumerism: what a spectacle we’d see! And with the winner getting the item at an even deeper discount that the regular Black Friday, and with the loser getting free medical treatment and a special prize afterwards, just imagine what we’ll get to see!

No more missed mayhem and mutilations due to the overwhelming crush of savings-obsessed shoppers blocking the view of cell phone cameras: with the game show set laid out like a real big-box retail store, and with cameras placed at every possible location, angle, etc., you won’t miss any of the bone-crunching, greed-grasping, injury-intending action! Plus, with all the coverage, you can slow down each confrontation to see the venal violence up-close and personal, and in slow motion! Never before has coveting been so confrontational! Plus, as an added incentive, if the losing contestant fights viciously enough, they can even win the item in question themselves as well, so everybody wins!

You know you want to watch it! See all the beneath-the-scrum action you’ve been missing on the news coverage of Black Friday riots! It’s the Black Friday game show: Black and Blue Friday: Greedy Gift Grab! It could prove so popular, it might lead to its own 24-hour cable channel of live, real-time materialist combat. Call your cable company today and demand it!