Thursday, November 7, 2013

Is CNN Financed by Big Kaiju?

CNN’s documentary Pandora’s Promise shows a bunch of hippie environmentalists putting the ‘mental’ in ‘environmental’ by betraying green orthodoxy to push for nuclear energy, claiming it’s all safe and stuff. Which begs the question: who’s really behind this push for more nukes? (People reasoning their way around their ideological beliefs to come to new conclusions? No way! It must be something else that’s behind this!) Could it be the inhabitants of Monster Island, perhaps? Or do these mean greenies simply want to create a real race of Godzilla-style kaiju monsters to defend the Earth against all the space kaiju? Because while they remember the movies where Godzilla defended Earth against all the other giant monsters, I remember the one where Godzilla just rampages through Tokyo, causing a nuclear holocaust, killing countless thousands of innocent civilians.

Oh, but aren’t those giant kaiju-fighting robot suits nuclear powered, just like a nuclear submarine? Hmm, maybe it’s really the defense contractors who will make those suits to fight the kaiju, and they’re just trying to make it look like it’s the kaiju so they can get a no-bid contract for their giant robots and Power Rangers. (This will be just like Halliburton and the Iraq War, mark my words! But if you know who makes the giant kaiju-fighting robot suits, now might be a good time to invest!)