(CNN, as well as lots of other channels, have been running
shows about the JFK assassination lately, seeing as how it’s the 50th
anniversary next week. So here’s a little piece about the Warren Report.
{<Ask your grandparents if you haven’t heard of it.})
Apparently, the Warren Report, the assessment of who was
responsible for the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, was almost
1,000 pages long. But it really only had to be one sentence: “President Kennedy
was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald, who acted alone, and nobody else was involved
whatsoever.” So, why was the report so long? Well, I have my suspicions…
Yes, it’s possible that like the great literary writer
Charles Dickens, the Warren Commission was paid by the word. After all, what
other possible reason could there be for a one sentence finding to be elongated
into almost 1,000 pages of text? Well, there is another possibility, and it’s:
Yes, it is possible that the Warren Commission was hoping to
make a fortune from Warren Report Cliff’s Notes for the news media. After all,
everyone in the news media was desperate to report on the findings of the
Warren Commission, and so they would naturally have to read it. But 1,000
pages? Are you kidding? Why, the only other reason why anyone would make it
that long is…
Of course! The Warren Commission was obviously trying to
wear down the news people so that by the time they had read every last page of
the Warren Report, they’d be so tired, they’d be all outraged-out, and they’d
be way too exhausted to even throw a hissy fit. And it might even take them days to
complete the report on the Warren Report anyway, by which time everyone might
think the news people are in on the cover-up, and then nobody would believe
them either.
Wow, it’s so cynical to believe the last, and most
plausible, explanation, isn’t it? Oh, but after the kinds of leaders we’ve had
over the past 30 years, it’s not really all that hard to believe, now is it? (Well, actually, now that I think about it, I don’t recall…)
