Yes, it’s official: Pope Benedict XVI is stepping down, retiring at the end of this month. They said so on the news today. And this is really rare; it has happened only once before* (Anderson Cooper said it had never happened before, but apparently he didn’t bother to research this point.), but the time has come today, once again.
It seems the pontiff is feeling a little run down. He doesn’t have the same drive that he used to. He doesn't feel the same attraction to his flock like he used to. Yes, I’m afraid the Pope has Low T. And it’s a strict Church doctrine: Testosterone treatments while you’re the Pope? Nope! So sadly, he’s got to go.
It seems the pontiff is feeling a little run down. He doesn’t have the same drive that he used to. He doesn't feel the same attraction to his flock like he used to. Yes, I’m afraid the Pope has Low T. And it’s a strict Church doctrine: Testosterone treatments while you’re the Pope? Nope! So sadly, he’s got to go.
The only thing now is to figure out who will replace him as the Pope. There have been suggestions on the news all day, from potential candidates to the suggestion that we ask Father Guido Sarducci to: “Find the next Pope in the pizza.” But nobody has even nominated the obvious choice: Bill Donohue, head of the Catholic League right here in America!
Yes, he took over Catholicism by force in the South Park episode about the Easter Bunny, and he was killed by Jesus Himself with that five-pointed switchblade throwing star thingy from Krull at the end of the show. And seeing as how I watched South Park tonight, and I saw that Krull is on one of my movie channels tonight as well, it must be a sign from God. (And maybe Jesus will return and really kill him with that Krull weapon and start the Rapture!)
So come on, you know you want it: write to the Vatican and demand Bill Donohue as the next Pope! (I think the Catholic Church likes it when people write and demand stuff of them.)
BTW: Here is an article about the last Pope to resign, 598 years ago (Sorry, Anderson.):
And here is a transcript of that old SNL bit about “Find the Popes in the Pizza”:
http://slice.seriouseats.com/archives/2005/04/find-da-popes-i.html
(I’m only kidding: I don’t really want Bill Donohue to be the next Pope.)
* It was Pope Gregory XII, and I know about it because my name is also Gregory. You have to know stuff like this when your name is Gregory. Ask anyone named Gregory if you doubt me.
(I’m only kidding: I don’t really want Bill Donohue to be the next Pope.)
* It was Pope Gregory XII, and I know about it because my name is also Gregory. You have to know stuff like this when your name is Gregory. Ask anyone named Gregory if you doubt me.
