Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The State of the Union

Ah, yes: the State of the Union speech. It's the one time where you get to see half of a room all stand up and cheer every few seconds while the other half of the room sits and scowls, hoping for the pendulum to swing the other way so they get to stand and cheer every few seconds while their rivals have to sit and scowl. I think they always act like this to spite one another, because I rarely hear anything worth cheering over no matter who is in charge. But if they want to guarantee everyone will stand together, perhaps the party in power ought to wire the chairs with an electric shock like William Castle did for the theatrical release of his movie The Tingler.* Then the president could thank the other side of the aisle for standing for his great ideas, even if they don't want to be too obvious in their support by clapping.

* Yes, I know: apparently the story about electrical shocks is somewhat embellished; supposedly it was more like a hand-held joy-buzzer that was attached to the chairs in the theater for the movie. But that wouldn't work to make political enemies stand at the appropriate times, so an electrical shock might be necessary. (And if they resisted, their hair would stand up in lieu of them, and the president could at least claim support from the hair.)