Before he retires, how about a Pope Benedict music video for “Thank Heaven for Little Boys”? It would be a reworked version of “Thank Heaven for Little Girls” from the movie Gigi. And since the Catholic Church claims to be the gatekeepers to heaven, it seems like the perfect song title for their horrendous little child sex abuse scandal. And with all the extras he could get in the form of Cardinals and guilty priests, in colorful flowing robes, and filmed against the opulent backgrounds of the Vatican itself, it would seem just like a giant musical number from the movies, and subject-wise it would be the perfect exit for the man whose job it was to handle and cover up the Catholic priest sex abuse scandal as much as possible before he became the pope. Plus, he could use the profits to help compensate the victims. (Or don’t they want to do that without being sued? Actually, seeing as how the Vatican is its own country, they could beat the rap no matter what, apparently, so this might be the only way anyone could even get compensation anymore.)
Here are the new lyrics:
Thank heaven for little boys, we priests try to seduce them all all day,
Thank heaven for little boys, we molest them then we condemn the gays,
Their little eyes so helpless and appealing,
There clothes are like bananas for the peeling,
Thank heaven for them all,
To fight against us they’re too small,
We really hope they won’t tell you,
For without them what would lecherous priests do?
Thank heaven…
Please don’t tell them…
Thank heaven for little boys!
(The original version of this song, “Thank Heaven for Little Girls”, has always sounded kind of creepy to me. I’m pretty sure they didn’t intend it as such, but it can’t help but come across that way these days, with so many news stories about this kind of thing. In the movie Gigi, it was sung by an aging Maurice Chevalier, which made me think of the elderly pope, what with his retirement announced right after the HBO premiere of the documentary Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God. {That was the movie about the sex abuse scandal in an American Catholic school for the deaf, and how the charges got covered up and quashed for so long, including a principal role by the then Cardinal Ratzinger.} After seeing it, I thought he might retire and stay in the Vatican to avoid extradition, etc., and what do you know: that’s exactly what he decided to do. That way he can never be subpoenaed. But I’m sure that has nothing to do with it whatsoever, so stop being so cynical.)
