There’s a lot of talk in the media about global warming. I
remember back about a decade ago when global warming activists like Al Gore
said there would be no more snow by now. Of course it’s exaggerations like this
that make it possible for the other side to deny that climate change is
occurring. And that idea, I think, would make a great joke ad for an oil or
coal company. Here’s how it might work:
After showing brutal footage of the recent New England
blizzard, a spokesman for the oil/coal industry (or maybe that blonde lady who
wears all black for the Energy Tomorrow ads) would say: “This is what Al Gore
and the environmentalists want: they want you all to freeze to death! This
blizzard is just the beginning if the oil and coal industries weren’t trying to
warm up the Earth so you and your family won’t freeze to death!” Then, over
pictures of people enjoying themselves at tropical locations (like in the
Sandals resort commercials), the spokesperson says: “Yes, while we’re trying to
make the world into a tropical paradise, climate alarmists and
environmentalists are trying to turn the Earth into a barren, frozen tundra of
a wasteland. And if you buy energy-efficient appliances or hybrid/electric
cars, it’s only a matter of time before the next ice age encases all of
civilization in newly-formed glaciers. So remember this the next time you think about walking or riding a bicycle: you are dooming your children’s future to a
bone-chilling, shivering doom. So support your local hydrocarbon energy
company, and have a Piña Colada on the beach in celebration of your children’s
future in the warm, life-giving sun! Because after all, a smattering of shattering heat records
is far better than the shattering of chattering teeth any day!”
Then, perhaps they could give out coupons for free popsicles and/or ice cream for every full tank of gas everyone buys from now on.
