I have been trying to alert society to the violent dangers of Oreo cookies for years, but no-one would listen to me. People are constantly arguing about them! Why do you think there has been so much violent crime in society throughout history? It's Oreos! But so often, everyone gets violent in libraries so people only whisper about it, and so nobody ever hears this very real threat to our security.
Well, maybe now that they have accidentally revealed the truth about Oreos and how violent they make everyone in a TV commercial, finally the government will have to act! What more proof do we need? And maybe the ad agency was secretly trying to ban Oreos with this ad because they lost friends and family in the tragic 1984 New York Public Library Oreo Riots. (The movie Ghostbusters tried to act like it was a ghost who wrecked the library, but it was really Oreos and how violent they always make everyone!)
I understand that this is supposed to be silly and everything, but showing a product causing fights and riots might not be the best way to get people to buy the product. Are they going to make further ads in this campaign showing the fight escalating out of control? Maybe for the last ad in this campaign, people could associate their relative skin color to either the black of the cookie or the white of the cream, and Oreos could spark a global race war that ends in nuclear strikes and the destruction of the planet and the extinction of humanity. Surely that commercial would make everyone want to purchase and consume Oreos, right?
(Or maybe war protesters would march out in force against Oreos and their violent goal of an endless world war, and in this way Oreo could get what would amount to free advertising in the form of news coverage of these anti-war protests against Oreos. You know what they say: "You can't buy publicity like that!" And surely then the cookies would sell themselves!)
But if they want to add skin color into a fighting scenario, why not use those half-black & half-white aliens from that Star Trek episode: "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"? That would work great within an Oreo milieu, because it's a battle over whether the black or the white part is better, and both of these aliens, like the Oreo cookies, are half white and half black. And like in the Star Trek episode, these two aliens could fight about the order of preference of the cookie vs. the cream, and Captain Kirk and the Enterprise crew could intervene to stop the fighting, saying: "They are both equally good, and together, they are even better, just like the two halves of each of you make up a single intelligent entity." And they could use this reasoning to argue that they are both equal, just like all Oreo cookies are, and as such, Oreo cookies will have instilled peace, harmony and equality throughout the universe, ending all iniquities everywhere, like cookies always do wherever they are.
And this would surely throw a wet blanket over the claims of health bullies that cookies are evil, and prove once and for all that despite being fattening and stuff, eating yummy cookies (especially Oreos!) in moderation solves all the problems of the world, and perhaps even the universe! (Top that, tofu & bean sprouts!)
Here's the cookie conflict chaos commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=ufu5sqJh24Q
And here is the Wikipedia page about the Star Trek episode I'm referring to here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let_That_Be_Your_Last_Battlefield
Actually, while this is fun with its good-natured chaos and everything, I still love the Oreo ads where the father teaches his young son how to eat an Oreo: cute, and great Americana! (Plus, they have the added advantage of having no way to view them in a negative light.)
