Near the end of the Shakespeare play The Tempest, Prospero decides to forgive his brother Antonio,
and in so doing, he says: “For you, most wicked sir, whom to call brother would
even infect my mouth…” So forgiving is difficult for Prospero to do, in part
because of his fear of buccal infection. And naturally, it would be a lot
easier for Prospero if he used Listerine! Because when he infects his mouth by
calling his brother: “brother”, he can easily disinfect it with Listerine antiseptic!
And Prospero could claim that Listerine is more effective than all his magic
for disinfecting the mouth.
In fact, maybe Listerine could sponsor a TV production of The
Tempest for PBS, and they could add little
bits about Listerine into the dialogue (I’m pretty sure Shakespeare scholars
mostly agree that Shakespeare would have written it into the play himself had
Listerine existed 400 years ago), like saying that Listerine easily kills the
bacteria and washes away the betrayal that can leave a bad taste in one’s
mouth. And other dialogue could suggest that Miranda won the love of Ferdinand
by having such fresh breath and lovely teeth, both being the result of using
Listerine. (Maybe Prospero conjured up Listerine himself as a magical brew to
help Miranda win Ferdinand’s love, and it worked so well, he used it himself to
enable him to forgive those who harmed him, and to bring a peaceful conclusion
to the play; and so it’s another happy ending thanks to Listerine!)
