Yes, now there’s a place for threatened safes to go when
they think people want to break into them and steal their hidden treasures:
It’s Safe Haven! Just think of it: safes
full of immeasurable wealth, frightened that they will be killed or mutilated
by safe-crackers using drills and dynamite and plastic explosives! And it’s the
perfect plot for an animated Pixar or Dreamworks movie aimed at the children of
guilty Wall Street bankers!
Yes, the rabble are out for revenge for the financial
collapse, and the bankers’ personal safes are in danger! And that’s why the
silver spoon-fed kids of the credit default swap designers must band together
to save the obscene wealth of their misbegotten life savings that was stolen
from the honest life savings of hardworking middle class people! And so they
work with a secretive international bank and secret society to create an
impregnable fortress for their safes to hide in that no angry masses of looted
investors can ever reach to claw back
their illegally lost investments! See the frightened, innocent safes full of
their guilty secrets, see the double standards for the rich, see the money
escape beyond the grasp of litigators and investigators! Yes, it’s Safe
Haven: coming to a theater near you; so
long as you earn enough money and live in an exclusive gated community!
(And, naturally, the living safes will be every bit as cute
and lovable as the talking china and silverware from Disney’s Beauty and the
Beast! {So long as your looted money
isn’t in them!})
