I have here on this blog from time to time offered potential
solutions to America’s debt crisis, from practical solutions like having The
Fed forgive America’s debt (since we owe most of it to ourselves anyway), to
fun ones like deploying America’s Navy as a pirate fleet demanding tribute from
foreign countries in exchange for not blowing them up. But here I believe I may
have conceived of the ultimate solution that we can all agree on! Interested? Okay, so here it
is:
Let’s get some mathematics genius, with a Nobel Prize in his trophy room,
to declare that the United States’ national debt is an imaginary number, as
often occurs in complex mathematics, and as such, we never have to pay it back,
since it’s just theoretical anyway. And then when doubters ask questions about
the veracity of this math guy’s claims, he can explain it to them in the most
insufferably dull and incomprehensible manner possible (Maybe we could get Ben
Stein to do it.), so they all get confused and bored and give up. And voilà:
problem solved!
(Never let it be said that I offer no solutions to our
nation’s pressing problems! And this suggestion might really work too, because
everybody hates math except for math nerds, so nobody will dig into it. Plus,
we could always get the CIA to abduct all the mathematics experts so they can’t
speak out against us, or else bribe them with part of our imaginary deficit
spending. How could it go wrong? And if people really complain, we could always deploy our pirate Navy…)
I think this might just work, and if so, we don’t even have
to make any fiscal cliff deals either. Because, after all, why bother arguing
over imaginary numbers anyway?
