A-ha! So now we know what these cell phone tech companies are really after: creating a new species of Borg drones! I knew it! (They can’t deny it now!) Just look at this truly horrifying commercial: This guy gets plugged in with wires and stuff (just like the Borg from Star Trek: The Next Generation), and then they upload some virus into him, and he’s transformed into a hideous unfeeling machine-man of death! (They even say out loud: “It’s not an upgrade to your phone, it’s an upgrade to you!” What do you think they’re talking about here anyway? It’s a Borg assimilation!)
I always knew these cell phone companies were trying to forcibly “evolve” mankind into a new race of hybrid computer-people commanded by cell phone company conglomerates to go do battle until only one monopoly of cell phone/internet/cable TV company remains to reign supreme above us all, so they can artificially jack up prices as an unbreakable monopoly! (That’s what the Borg is: They used to be a bundled cell phone/internet/cable TV company on Earth, but once they conquered us all, they moved on to other galaxies to force into multi-year contracts, and the remnants of humanity managed to break free of their control and form the Federation of Planets with other rebellious and formerly subjugated worlds, thanks to fed-up customers James T. Kirk and Mr. Spock: It’s true!)
And if you buy this phone, the Borg will conquer the world for centuries! Help, help! Stop their evil plan to mutate human DNA and combine it with smartphone nano technology: it’s all they need to conquer humanity and subjugate us all! Curse you, HTC! (HTC stands for “Human Tech Conversion”, which proves they’re trying to assimilate us all into the Borg!)
Fight! Resist! Even if it feels futile, resist! (But, you know, at least the Terminators won’t bother us if we’re already being controlled by SkyNet, so maybe it’s all for the best.)
Here’s the culture conquering commercial:
