I can't believe it! Yet another celebrity has named their baby an unusual baby name! What a scandal this is! Why can't celebrities just use normal names like everybody else? How dare they think they can just name babies whatever they want without asking entertainment reporters if it's okay with them first? Talk about inconsiderate! Have they no sense of propriety anymore? Well, I never!
The above paragraph is how journalists seem to cover silly stories like celebrity baby naming. But as silly as this seems, it is high profile, and as such, I was thinking of something...
Hey, the Republican Party seems to be running out of issues to complain about to gain a foothold with traditional American conservatives and such, so why not use something like this? I mean, gay marriage is becoming more and more accepted, and nobody cares about critical issues like flag burning anymore (more's the pity!), so what are they going to do now? They're losing on most of their traditional issues nowadays, so they definitely need a new one. And you might ask yourself: how does one go about making a silly trivial entertainment puff piece into a wedge issue? Well, it might be accomplished by saying something like this:
Oh, my God: Yet another Hollywood liberal is using another unusual name for her child: "Caspian" (!). Well, this is obviously another Hollywood liberal trying to insult America with her baby name! I mean, Caspian is the name of a foreign body of water bordering on Iran and Russia, making this an obvious attempt to align her child with America's enemies and flip the bird at Uncle Sam! She's using her baby name as a subtle way to propagate anti-American propaganda to her fans, forcing them subliminally and against their wills to despise America just as much as she obviously does! Oh, for shame! We must band together as a nation to stop this overtly aggressive threat to our liberties as represented by these weird Hollywood baby names!
Maybe something like this could really reinvigorate the Republican base, don't you think?
Here's the cute, conniving celebrity baby name conspiracy:
http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/celeb-news/neve-campbell-reveals-unusual-name-she-gave-her-215402048.html
