Hey, we all know that we’re in an obesity epidemic, so everyone is constantly attacking fast food, snack food, etc., right? Well, most of the anti-fattening-food people are also pro-legalized-pot people! And you know what that means, right? Why, it means you have to make them choose!
That’s right: we all know that even the most hardcore health food bully is also a pot sympathizer, so once pot comes into the issue, they pipe down! (Get it? “Pipe down”? Ha ha? Oh, sorry…) Plus, pot makes everyone want to eat tons of junk food, so the perfect marketing promotion would be for every fast food restaurant, pizzeria and snack food company to offer free pot with every purchase! (The food police can’t bitch, because they love natural, healthy marijuana, as opposed to evil pharmaceuticals, so they’ll just let it be. After all, when was the last time you heard anyone blame the obesity epidemic on pot and its munchie-inspiring qualities? {I’m guessing never.}) And once the potheads show up and smoke their spliff at a fast food place, they’ll feel compelled to stay and try the whole menu! (Same with snack food: they’ll eat the whole bag of Doritos, forget they did it, want more pot, and the cycle continues!) And then once everyone gets into the habit of eating this stuff once they’re stoned, it won’t even matter anymore when health activists ban junk food companies from including free pot with their food. (Or, wait: maybe people already eat this stuff when they’re stoned anyway? Oh, never mind. But hey: A bird in hand is worth two in the bush, right, which means that once you’re stoned, you’ll always eat whatever happens to be there, so it’s still a great promotional opportunity for junk food/fast food companies to include newly-legal pot with their food!)
(Full disclosure: I support pot legalization, as well as all drug legalization. The money would be way better spent on treatment programs for those who need it than on prohibition, which never works. If cigarettes and alcohol are legal, then why not everything else? {The answer is lobbying, if you’re interested.} I’m just joking about pot legalization for fun, in the context of marketing and promotions.)
