Now that legalized pot has passed in a few states, I think it’s time some evil corporation got involved and started selling brand name marijuana cigarettes by the pack! That way, when anti-drug activists and politicians attacked them, the big cigarette companies could spew out years’-worth of confusing statistics claiming it’s not bad for you (coming out of their own research facilities, paid for with corporate funds, and designed to muddy the waters on the science), and then these companies could bribe everyone to leave them alone with political contributions, squadrons of lobbyists lobbying for them non-stop, etc.
You see, that’s the reason legalized drugs never seem to take off: these pro-drug hippies don’t know anything about how to set up evil corporations, because they’re counter-culture stoners, and nobody in government takes them seriously. But if they knew how to play like the big boys, everyone would be smoking “Jazz Cigarettes”, and nobody could do anything about it! (Except maybe run propaganda ads against it, like they do with cigarette smoke now...)
BTW: Here’s a short list of possible brand names for potential corporate marijuana cigarette brands:
Jazz Cigarettes
Wacky Tobaccy
Reefer Madness
Icky Sticky Ciggys
Stinkweed Smokes
This Bud’s for You
Caterpillar Cigarettes (Named after the Caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland)
Cheech & Chong’s Nice Dreams Cigarettes
Stoked Tokes
Stoner Smokes
F*cked-Up Filtereds
Bong Breath
Ace Is High
Coughtacular Cigarettes
Jammin’ Joints
Jammin’ Joints
And the major cigarette brands would have to get in on the action and create their own brands, like:
Mary Jane Marlboro
Marlboro, Man.
Luckier Strike
Salem Spliffs
Salem Sticky
Winston Wowies
Benson & Hash
Virginia Stoners
Parliament F*ck-Up-A-Delic
Rothman’s Coughmans
And, of course, for people who wanted to quit smoking marijuana cigarettes, there would be “Jones” brand cigarettes: with 1/6 the THC, you’ll “Jones” through the whole pack!
