I remember reading that Mitch Hedberg, one of my favorite comedians, had stage fright while performing, and that's why he used to wear sunglasses a lot on stage, as well as not facing the audience sometimes. Well, if he still had to turn away from the audience, then maybe the glasses didn't work well enough. That's why there's a new breakthrough in performance glasses technology: Stage Fright Glasses! Here's how they work:
Like many cool sunglasses, Stage Fright glasses are mirror sunglasses with a one-way mirror lens. But what's revolutionary about Stage Fright Glasses is that the mirror side of the lens is on the inside of the glasses, facing your eyes! That way, the wearer cannot see what is in front of them! And, as a special bonus, installing the lenses in this manner permits the audience to see the performer's eyes, so they don't lose the element of personal connection that's so critical for audience identification! So they really have two great features in just one pair of glasses! (Now how much would you pay?) And this way, both the performer and the audience have the best possible experience!
That's "Stage Fright Glasses": Order yours today!
Of course, the only problem with the Stage Fright Glasses is that with the mirrored lenses facing in towards the eyes, it can look to the wearer as though a giant pair of eyes is staring directly at them, potentially making them even more nervous than the audience would. And in that case, perhaps a newer technology will be required: glasses that have video cameras on the inside of the lenses, and video screens on the outside. Then the inside of the lens can be opaque, and the performer's eyes can still be seen by the audience. But it might be a little dark in there for a camera, so the glasses might need little lights to light the wearer's eyes, causing the glasses to feel like they are giving the wearer the "third degree", and making them even more nervous than ever. So then, even newer technology will have to be used, where the glasses are just black on the inside, and the outside of the lenses are screens that play prerecorded video of the performer's eyes. That way the wearer really can't see anything, but the audience can still see their eyes. Well, sort of, anyway.
Of course, the only problem with these is that the wearer can't see anything at all, and might fall off the stage. So wear them at your own risk! And give us a break already: after all, we didn't say we could solve all your problems!
