While flipping through my cable news channels, I happened
upon something extremely bizarre. It was a little cartoon Christmas
special-looking thingy with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer flying off into the
night sky in a snowy locale (next to sign saying: “North Pole”), and then Santa
Claus appeared and tossed his Santa hat onto his head and bounced it on his
head from side-to-side, after which Rudolph came fluttering back into view from
the other side of the screen, all while ‘50s Rock N’ Roll music played in the
background. And just then, during the saxophone solo, you will never believe
what occurred: two words formed on screen, one letter at a time, in different
colored letters, those words being: “Happy Holidays” (!!). And then, just
underneath this well-established battle cry of the “War on Christmas”, appeared
the logo for Fox News.
Now, riddle me this: how can a network dedicated to chiding
and spitting venom at any store, state government, person or entity that has
the temerity to say “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas” then have
the nerve to turn around and have their cutesy animated Christmas greeting say
“Happy Holidays”, and not “Merry
Christmas”? Is this not heresy to these people? They sure have a lot of people
on their network who claim it’s a crime against humanity to say “Happy
Holidays”, and now they’re doing it themselves? WTF? It sure looks like someone has surrendered in
the “War on Christmas”, doesn’t it? (Or else, perhaps, there’s a Fox in the
henhouse, so to speak? Or, rather, a hen in the Fox house, I guess?)
Could this be an act of sabotage, carried out by a
treasonous insider, subverting the victory of the righteous in the
all-important “War on Christmas”? I say they must use enhanced interrogation
techniques on everyone at Fox News to find the traitor! (That should be easy
for them, since everyone there apparently approves of enhanced interrogation
techniques, and as far as I can tell, according to them, the “War on Christmas”
is the most important war America is currently fighting, so I’m sure everyone
will happily and willingly submit to waterboarding. Right? And despite
declaring it torture, I’m sure President Obama will approve of its use in this
one case; because, you know, Christmas is really important to him too: I mean,
after all, look at the size of the president’s Christmas tree!)
Look, I’m not imagining it along with my visions of
sugarplums: someone else saw it too (although apparently it’s a slightly
different animated greeting they saw):
