I can’t find this spot online, but I see it a lot on TV, so I want to talk about it anyway. So what happens in this commercial is that some young guy, minding his own business, is trying to eat his bag of McDonald’s food in peace. Oh, but the animated graffiti Ronald McDonald arms painted on the brick walls behind him won’t let him! Maybe they’re trying to warn him off this fatty diet out of a feeling of guilt for the obesity epidemic? No such luck: the painted arms just stole his bag of food and put it on the bench near some very attractive young lady. Well, this guy isn’t really interested in her because, as it turns out, he’s gay. Oh, but that doesn’t stop the painted arms from pushing him up against her. Well, she thinks he’s trying to sexually assault her, so she calls over her jealous boyfriend who is just out of frame, and he beats this young man to death. Oh, the humanity! And so the cops arrive and arrest the couple, sending the jealous boyfriend to prison for murder and a hate crime, and the girl for accessory and instigation of the crime, but nobody ever charges Ronald McDonald! And when people tell you McDonald’s food is bad for you, this is what they’re talking about!
(I’m only kidding. I like McDonald’s. But you have to admit, the animated graffiti Ronald McDonald arms never bothered to check if this young man was straight, single or what. Plus, the girl around the corner is really pretty, so it’s very unlikely she’s single. In my experience, there’s always some jealous tough guy boyfriend just within earshot. But hey, maybe that jealous boyfriend guy once held up a McDonald’s, and knowing this would happen, the painted Ronald McDonald arms acted as they did to set up this situation where this guy would get busted for murder, and they used the other guy, figuring that if he was eating McDonald’s food, he didn’t care about living long anyway. Do you suppose that could be it?)
But you know, maybe this girl once insulted Ronald McDonald as a lame creepy clown, and he just moved the guy’s bag of food so he would think she stole it, and he could get her busted for robbing him, or else assault her. I guess you never know with those clowns, man. I heard Ronald McDonald is the big Godfather pulling the strings of the whole Insane Clown Posse, so you know he’s one twisted motherf*cker! Why else do you think he’s conspiring to make us all fat? It’s to get revenge for how everyone always insults clowns! (And for how people make fun of his jodhpurs jumpsuit.)
But in all seriousness, it’s a really cute spot. It’s just that we here in America have a tradition of clowns doing horrific things in horror movies, so how could I help but think it was a malign intent? It was almost like Freddy Krueger’s arms came to life to cause havoc, or maybe it was even Beetlejuice!
