Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Death Eaters Restaurants

It always struck me as kind of silly that the villainous group of nefarious dark magicians in Harry Potter were called “Death Eaters”. But this name might be perfect for their revenge! What they could do is open a chain of fast food restaurants called “Death Eaters”, and sell the most unhealthy, fattening, etc., food imaginable, but use magic to make it seem healthy. Then they could ride the coattails of the book and movie franchise to trick people into thinking it’s an official offshoot of the franchise, sort of like a Planet Hollywood, or a theme park-style restaurant for Harry Potter fans. (All the servers would dress like Death Eaters, and the complaint department would be run by Dementors.) That way, they could get revenge by killing everyone with unhealthy food, heart disease, diabetes, etc., rather than with overt magic. In fact, had they planned it this way from the beginning, maybe nobody ever would have caught on, and they would have won!

Or, to trick all the macho types into doing themselves in, they could have contests to see who can eat the “Death Burger”: a burger that literally kills anyone who eats it. Then they could have some big prize and call everyone a wimp who won’t try one. That way they’d get rid of all the tough guys first. Either that, or just come out and say that everything on the menu is deadly by putting the word “death” in all the names. That way, everyone would think they were kidding, but they’d be serious and trick us all with reverse-psychology!

And, if they’re smart, they can serve up a dish called “Voldemort’s Victuals”, and everyone who eats it becomes a horcrux for Lord Voldemort’s return.