We all know the Sleep Number Bed ads, where some couple gets the Sleep Number Bed because they can’t agree on the firmness of their double bed. But what if this is just an indication that they hate each other, this inability to compromise on bed firmness? Don’t they love each other enough to compromise on anything?
Why, pretty soon, it will become a contest to see who’s right about the bed firmness, which will fill in for all the other things they disagree about, and it will make them try to prove each other wrong. And when that fails, we’ll see each person bring home a lover who likes the bed the same firmness they do, and they’ll make love next to each other, trying to goad each other about how they’re so right, they’ve even got new lovers to prove it. And then they’ll all get jealous and possessive and intolerant and fight, but the different sides of the bed will stymie them, with the hard guy and gal getting squished into the soft side of the bed and trapped there, and the soft guy and gal getting his/her legs broken on the hard side of the bed as they fight, because they’re only used to super spongy softness; and then, trapped like this, they all die a miserable death together, blaming the bed for everything. (Oh, the humanity! If only the couple had been more tolerant and willing to compromise with their significant other about mattress firmness!)
See? Maybe you should get a normal bed, and save your marriage, as well as all those other lives that will be unavoidably lost when you get a Sleep Number Bed!
Here’s an example of the Sleep Number Bed ads:
(BTW: This is just a joke. Couples do not kill each other due to Sleep Number Beds. It’s just a coincidence that it always seems to happen on one! No, really: it’s not the bed, I promise! {Aaaa! A Sleep Number Bed is stalking me! Help, help!})
