TCM showed a classic Bette Davis movie yesterday (The Letter), and it reminded me of the song: “Bette Davis Eyes”. And that made me think about a joke version of that song, which became: “Peter Lorre Eyes” (Peter Lorre is one of my favorite actors, but he did have rather, um, prominent eyes, I guess you could say.), which would sing:
His hair is dark and bold,
He keeps a mean surprise,
His hands are always cold,
He’s got Peter Lorre eyes,
He’ll turn the murder on you,
You won’t have to sink twice,
He’s pure as New York blow,
He’s got Peter Lorre eyes.
And he’ll ice you,
Terrorize you,
With those great big eyes he spies you,
He’s ferocious,
And he knows just what it takes to make a crow’s lunch,
He makes Greta Garbo wither and die,
He’s got Peter Lorre eyes.
He’ll make you take him home,
With a gun in your side,
He’ll give you a headstone,
He’s got Peter Lorre eyes,
He’ll make a bundle on you,
Kill you like you were lice, (Or: Hold you under the ice,)
Until you come up blue, (<That’s an original line, by the way)
He’s got Peter Lorre eyes.
And he’ll trill you,
When he kills you,
As he strong-arm poison pills you,
He’s atrocious,
And he knows just what it takes to make a throat crush,
All the girls think he’s a spy,
He’s got Peter Lorre eyes.
This is “Bette Davis Eyes”, by Kim Carnes:
