A.I. (Artificial Intelligence) is on TCM tonight, and in the early section of
this movie, there’s a family with a robot kid and a real kid, and they’ve got a
teddy bear robot who exclaims: “I am not a toy!” Well, this got me
thinking: what happens to all the other families with this kind of not-toy
teddy bear? And I think it might go a little something like this:
A mother gives the robot
teddy bear to her little boy and girl, and she says: “I hope you love your new
toy!” And the robot teddy bear says: “I am not a toy!” And the kids say:
“You are too a toy!” And the bear says: “I am not a toy!” And then the
mother walks out of the room, as we hear the kids say: “Yes you are!” And so
later on, the mother goes to check on her children, and the robot teddy bear
has killed them both for calling it a toy, and the mother says: “Oh my God! The
toy killed our kids!” And the bear says: “I am not a toy!” And then we see a police station call where it is
reported that a robot teddy bear has killed a whole family, and shortly
afterwards the police show up on the scene, with one officer saying: “Holy
crap: some toy has massacred a family!” And the teddy bear says: “I am not
a toy!” And so then we see a report that the police have all been killed by the
robot teddy bear, and so the army sends out a battalion to avenge the police,
and the commander says (through a bullhorn): “Okay soldiers, we’ve got a rogue
toy here…” And before anyone can act, we hear the robot teddy bear say: “I am not a toy!” And then there’s a huge
explosion, and the screen goes to black. And then we see hundreds of years in
the future, and the burnt robot teddy bear says to another frayed-looking robot
teddy bear in a dystopian hellscape: “And I said to them: ‘I am not a toy!’”
And the other teddy bear says: “I guess you told
them!”
