It’s Veggie Vengeance: the upcoming computer animated movie in 3D, where innocent vegetables team up to get revenge against people, but especially vegetarians and vegans, for all the horrifying things people do to vegetables: skin them alive, slice them up, eviscerate them (as in to remove the seeds), push them through food processors, toss them into blenders, boil them, steam them, fry them, bake them, and even force them to suffer the indignity of being dipped naked and raw into dip, and finally, masticated and thrown into a dark pit of acid-burning horror (!). And so the vegetables do to the humans the same thing that humans do to vegetables, but on a larger scale: flay them alive, chop them up with chainsaws, feed them into chipper-shredders, push them into boiling water, throw acid in their faces, etc. It’s the ultimate revenge movie for vegetable foodstuffs!
It all starts when Carl Carrot’s wife Carla is abducted by a vegan child and chomped on (!), leaving Carl to care for their baby carrots all alone. Oh, but while he’s at work, the baby carrots get grabbed by some vegetarian, doused in dip and eaten (!!). Well, that’s the last straw for Carl, and being a carrot, he snaps, swearing revenge! And so he gathers together a ragtag bunch of vengeance-seeking vegetables for a violent vendetta against vegans and vegetarians for their vicious, venial vices!
Once you’ve seen it, you’ll stick to eating only meat from then on! (Or at least until the next food revenge movie: Meat Mammals Massacre Mankind! After seeing that one, kids will only ever eat candy.)
Veggie Vengeance Cast of Characters:
Carl Carrot
Cecil Celery
Tom Tomato (Yeah, I know, it’s a fruit. Whatever. It’s in salads and veggie fare.)
Bart Broccoli
Lenny Lettuce
Gus Asparagus
Carlotta Cauliflower
Ona Onion
Roderick Radish
Lina Lima Bean
Cornelia Corn
Chuck Chick Pea
Penny Pea
Squiggy Squash
Zachary Zucchini
Edna Edamame
Peter Pepper
Polly Potato (The others jokingly call her “Pol Pot”, because she’s always arguing in favor of committing the worst atrocities against people possible as punishment for the horrifying process of making French Fries: peeling, chopping, boiling in oil, and then pouring salt on the wounds; and adding insult to injury, people slander French Fries as fattening!)
That’s Veggie Vengeance: When what you eat bites you in the ass!
That’s Veggie Vengeance: When what you eat bites you in the ass!
