Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Dating Data

Data, the character from Star Trek: The Next Generation, had some episodes where he experimented with human emotions and stuff. And at some point, he even tried dating, with very limited success. But I think they failed to really exploit this scenario for all the fun realism they could have gotten out of it. For example, at the end of his first date, he should have told his new girlfriend: "I'll call you." And then, two weeks later, she storms up to him and demands to know why he's been blowing her off, and he could say: "Didn't you enjoy my realistic human male behavior? This is an appropriate action for a human male, telling you I would call and then not calling, correct? It did elicit a response from you, causing you to seek out my company. Is this not accurate? It appears effective. Did you not enjoy the emotional experience?"

And when his girlfriend eventually dumps him, Data could rip the head off of the first man he sees her talking to, and when she reacts in horror, Data could say: "Is this not the appropriate human male reaction to this situation? Does it not please you when I express the requisite attachment and jealousy? This behavioral response accomplishes coupling in many human relationships, according to my research." (<Meanwhile, the guy's mangled corpse lies bleeding on the floor.)

Also, apparently Data had a "daughter" at one point. I was hoping she would defy Data and go off in a stolen shuttlecraft ("Screw you Dad, you're not the boss of me! I'll do what I want!"), and then come back dressed as a Borg, and with a Borg boyfriend. Data would complain, and she'd say: "Yeah, I kinda thought you'd be pissed. I didn't mean to, but he was just too irresistible. I mean, like, I tried to resist, but it was, like, totally futile!" (Teenage girls often enjoy dating guys their fathers wouldn't approve of.) And she could say of her Borg boyfriend: "We think so much alike; it's like he totally knows what I'm thinking. We even..." (Data's Daughter & Borg boyfriend:) "...finish each other's sentences." (They laugh, as Data grimaces.)