American military might tends to be resented around the world, and so in an attempt to make it seem more attractive, the Pentagon plans to rename Tomahawk Cruise Missiles as Tom Cruise Missiles. That way, the world will see that we’re shooting awesome at them, not hostility and destruction! After all, Tom Cruise is a wildly popular international superstar, so who wouldn’t want to have him shot at them? The only prospective problem is the possibility of Tom Cruise fan clubs starting a war just to get a Tom Cruise Missile launched at them.
The newly rebranded missiles will have a full-size Tom Cruise picture painted onto them, and they will wear a bigger version of the Ray Ban Wayfarer sunglasses over the nosecone, and will come with a new ad campaign which states: "It's Risky Business to mess with the United States! If you do, you'll get shot with our Top Gun for Days of Thunder that feel like a War of the Worlds! Even if you've got A Few Good Men, it's Mission: Impossible to win against us, even if you're Far and Away! Start a war with America, and you'll be Losin' It!
(BTW: Also, using the term Tomahawk for an American weapon is said to be offensive.)
