I heard a report today about a new study linking third-hand smoke (that is, the residue of smoke on surfaces and clothes, etc.) to all kinds of death and destruction to all who encounter it. Clearly, it is the greatest threat to our world today. Except that there is actually an even worse, more insidious form of smoke: fourth-hand smoke (!!!!).
Yes, fourth-hand smoke is when you see someone smoking cigarettes in movies and on TV. Apparently what happens is that the images of the smoke enter through your eyes, causing eye cancer, and then since your brain processes the images seen by your eyes, you get brain cancer too. Oh, but that's not all, because since your brain sees all this smoking going on, and because it knows from studies that second-hand and third-hand smoke causes cancer too, your brain causes psychosomatic forms of lung and throat cancer too.
Yes, even seeing smoking that happened years ago is dangerous and deadly. So we must do all we can to stamp out the threat of fourth-hand smoke. How, you may ask? Well, obviously we are going to have to either ban all movies that have smoking in them as a health risk, or else, for movies considered classics, we must change them to remove smoking from them. And since there is smoke wafting all over everything all the time in these movies, it will be necessary to use the double-pronged approach of digitally removing cigarettes through CGI, and also altering the plot lines of the movies themselves by having all the stories take place where it is so cold, everyone would be breathing steam at all times, thus explaining why there is smoky mist swirling about and emanating from characters' mouths constantly.
It's not too late to prevent to harm caused by fourth-hand smoke. I mean, it's too late for you and me: we're already doomed! But please help save the next generation from fourth-hand smoke before it's too late!
Here's the third-hand story of the smoke-blowing study:
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/272042.php
