It’s the Bigfoot horror movie nobody was ever expecting to
see: Pied de Terror! (Literally:
“Foot of Terror” in French, after the term: “Pied de Terre”, meaning a small
apartment in the city {Literally: “Foot of Ground”}.)
In this brutal horror movie, an environmental activist
accidentally discovers Bigfoot, and seeing a Bigfoot-seeking team coming their
way, she decides it is more important that Bigfoot remain undiscovered for its
own protection. But, seeing as how there are Bigfoot-seeking parties all around
their location, all working for TV reality shows on competing networks, to save
its life, she decides to smuggle Bigfoot out of the wilderness and back to her
own home in, you guessed it, a New York City co-op studio apartment!
Well, you can probably guess what happens next: She gets
mauled, calls for help, somebody complains about the noise, and building
management shows up to lay down the law, only to be laid down themselves by the
paw of the Sasquatch terror. But, still afraid of the environment, the Bigfoot
hides in the apartment for the security guy to arrive, whereupon it promptly gorily
and noisily kills him, after which it’s loose in the building!
Well, knowing a co-op building, everyone is going to come
out to complain about the noise, and they’ll all be killed, with their barking
and whimpering dogs drawing everyone else out post-haste. And then it’s just a
veritable cornucopia of Bigfoot consumables for an hour of blood-spurting fun
for all those repressed by co-op policies and sky-high maintenance costs.
Oh, but then the actual Bigfoot-seekers get a distress call
from one of their network executives in the building, and so they come into the
city to catch the beast, but of course waiting until their bosses are dead, and
they finally try to prove Bigfoot is real! Oh, but by then the cops have
arrived, and they’re all shot dead at the building entrance. The End.
(But, for the sequel, it turns out that it’s closer to human
DNA than we thought, and so many victims give birth to Bigfoot-human hybrid
monsters within months…! {Sorry for the offensive ending, but isn’t this sort
of thing par for the course in such movies? You’ve just got to give them that last horrifying shock to justify a sequel,
you know.})
Oh, and yes, I am from New York City and have lived in a
co-op building, so I know what would likely happen in this scenario. (Although
I must admit I have not tried to smuggle in a Bigfoot before.)
