True Religion Jeans is a designer jeans company that makes cool but very expensive jeans for men and women and tout right in their name the fact that everyone who wears other brands of jeans are infidels. So I thought it might be fun for some other religion-themed designer jeans companies to appear to wage a holy war for denim supremacy, leading us to the fashion apocalypse. So here are some possible jeans companies to compete True Religion Jeans:
Doomsday Cult Jeans: Go out in style wearing jeans with a fit that's to die for! (Back pockets have an embroidered graphic of a Kool Aid pitcher mascot with Xs for eyes.)
Televangelist Jeans: Nothing goes with the boob tube like Televangelist Jeans!
Crusader Jeans: Conquer sexy and impose the faith upon all who see you in these stylish jeans!
Inquisition Jeans: Put your looks to the question with a brutally sexy fit that makes you suffer for your fashion!
False Prophet Jeans: Everyone will lie to you about your butt not looking fat in False Prophet Jeans!
Infidel Jeans: Slip into sacrilege with our hip heretical hosiery! Yes, they're jeans that are so tight, they're considered tights! And they're so sexy, it's blasphemous just to try them on!
Idolatry Jeans: Worship at the altar of fashion with Idolatry Jeans! Everyone will bow down to you when you wear the look that will make you everyone's idol of style!
Pagan Sacrifice Jeans: Mark your ass for death with rockin' looks you'll kill for! Each pair comes with authentic human blood spattered on them from the last human sacrifice performed by the company!
Weirdo Hippie Cult Jeans: Tune in, turn on and drop out with our unwashed hip-hugger bell-bottoms with colorful peace signs on the back pockets and floral embroidery all over the legs! Each pair comes with a complementary surprise bag of drugs in each pocket.
Nietzsche Jeans: Tell the world God is dead to you with a look and fit that says there is no meaning of life without them!
Holy War Jeans: Looks that kill for God will help you achieve fashion martyrdom with an explosive look and fit that says: "Death to Infidel Jeans!"
Religion of Peace Jeans: Wear our special martial arts jeans and create havoc and violence everywhere you go with Religion of Peace Jeans! And if anyone tries to claim your religion is not peaceful based upon your actions, kill them! (<Just to prove them wrong.) That's Religion of Peace Jeans: Because people are killed over religion every day.
Sectarian Violence Jeans: Get all the sects you want all hot and bothered with a look that's totally sectsy!
Faith Healing Jeans: Is your love life dying? Then wear Faith Healing Jeans: If you believe in them enough, your love life will be saved! (If it doesn't work, it's only because you didn't have enough faith.)
Confessional Jeans: Wear these extra-forgiving jeans and you'll have people exclaiming: "I confess, you look great!" Wear Confessional Jeans, and all is forgiven! (Just don't break the confidentiality agreement!)
Transubstantiation Jeans: Wearing them is a sacrament that transforms you into a divine fashion goddess!
Indulgence Jeans: Indulge yourself with heavenly jeans that will bribe your way into the fashion firmament!
Agnostic Jeans: Do you want to wear them? Who knows? Who can say if they're comfortable or stylish? Nobody can prove it either way. You'll just have to think about what you believe…
Atheist Jeans: There is no such thing as jeans, and you will prove it to everyone by wearing our practical, comfortable, brightly-colored corduroy trousers. Atheist Jeans: We do not believe in denim: corduroy is the evolution of casual slacks!
Westboro Baptist Jeans: Wear your hate on your pants leg with Westboro Baptist Church Jeans! With offensive, divisive, intolerant, hateful slogans embroidered on the jeans, like: "God Hates F*gs", and "Thank God for Dead Soldiers", you'll always court controversy wherever you go in bigoted, hate-mongering, God-bullying style. When people kick your ass for your hateful comments, they can attack your statements at the same time! And with Westboro Baptist slogans printed on the back pockets, it's especially appropriate, since they pulled them right out of their ass!
Priest Sex Abuse Jeans: Cover your shame in style when you wear Priest Sex Abuse Jeans, the only jeans that covers up scandals as well as your naughty bits! But with a secret special feature to get them off, these jeans offer superior drop-ability so you can get out of the pants and get out of the responsibility for your crimes afterwards! The only brand of jeans designed specifically for pervert priests, as they help shuffle you to a new post after each accusation!
(Actually, Holy War Jeans and Sectarian Violence Jeans may well be run by True Religion Jeans, because when you think yours is the true religion, then everyone else must be a heretic, and every other religion must be a false religion. And that's the kind of thing that makes people persecute and kill others, as well as destroy historical artifacts.)
