I was joking before about how it’s odd that Tony Stark, a super-rich tech guru guy, would want to be called Iron Man, rather than something like Platinum Man or Gold Man. But then I thought, of course, Gold Man must already be taken by someone else! And who else would be Gold Man but Oscar Goldman from The Six Million Dollar Man? (!!)
Yes, Oscar Goldman is Gold Man, heroic savior of the 1%! You see, Oscar Goldman was jealous of Steve Austin’s super powers from his bionics, but he didn’t want to have to amputate his limbs and stuff to get all those super abilities, so he crafted an Iron Man-like suit that has the bionics inside the metal armor stuff. And since Iron Man is too selfish and egotistical to help his fellow elite super-rich when they get themselves in trouble for crashing the world economy too many times and grabbing everything for themselves, Gold Man springs into action! (After all, they are too big to fail: Someone has to protect them!) But he always demands he get paid in gold for his services, which is really just a cover story to protect his secret identity, so that everyone will think he’s William Devane. After all, who could possibly guess that Gold Man would be a guy named Goldman? It’s, it’s just too obvious: no-one would ever think of it! That’s his genius!
Of course, a whole suit of armor made of pure gold would be too heavy to fight well in even with bionics, so he’s really just Gold-Plated Man. But don’t tell anyone. He’s really self-conscious about it.
